Thursday, August 8, 2013

If I'm being honest...

With my readers, my friends, my family and most importantly myself then I must fill you in on the ups and downs of the life I live. I try to be open and honest in my blog post because I know that when I look back later I want to be able to remember what I was feeling and dealing with at this specific point in my life. I try to stay private in some aspects of this journey but in others I feel it's only fair to my readers to see this side of me in order to understand who I really am. I also think if I ever have a kid (which I hope to, we'll get to that) who is having relationship problems, then maybe they can be like, " hmmm, I wonder if Mom ever experienced this?" then they can look at this blog and see that I, too, had rough patches in this area. And believe me kid, everyone does, just some people are able to hide it really freakin' good.

I'll start off by writing the good. The positive, the parts that will describe to you how appreciative and thankful I am for certain things in my life. I feel that I've been very lucky in my relationships. I have had 3 real relationships. All great guys who have treated me nicely whom I developed very strong feelings for. All have been my best friends at some point or another during the relationship that I developed with them. And I will never be regretful of developing feelings for these individuals.

When two people are in a relationship I think it's SO important to discuss personal goals, goals you have for your relationship, and what you desire for your future in love and life. I can honestly say that I have been guilty of not doing this right off, and lets be honest, I'm 28, if I want these types of things known as marriage and children, these are things that should be covered close to the beginning of things because I'm not really getting any younger. (shhh, don't tell)  So if I want these things I have to know if the person I'm dating wants the same types of things. I think you can be in a relationship for the fun things but I think deep down you know if you have a future with someone.

I am currently investing my time with someone that does not desire these things with me and I do not believe that those things are going to happen with him. When we started dating, we entered it for the fun factor. W is great, we have traveled together, we have enjoyed live music and we share a lot of love for the outdoors so we have had a lot of fun together. A time or two we have discussed a future together, which results in us coming to the realization that we are not "the one" for eachother.

So, where do you go from here? Do you just pick up and change your life? Do you stay in a relationship knowing it's not going anywhere? This is where we are at. Our lives have changed a lot since the beginning of the relationship. We have become great friends. We have gotten to know the real people that we are. We have had ups and downs and grown because of those ups and downs. I think we have grown as individuals. Not necessarily growing together as couple though, which can be awfully tricky when you are in a relationship with another person. I can honestly say that he fulfilled a spot in my heart that needed it during the duration of our relationship and I can only hope that he appreciates the love that I shared with him. Do I still love him as a person? Absolutely. Do I know that he loves me? Absolutely. Do I consider him one of my best friends? Absolutely. Do I think we can be happy for each other in achieving our goals as individuals in the future? Absuhfreakingloutely.

Yet, our reality is that we have different priorities, different hopes and dreams for our futures as individuals. We are going through some changes right now and if you want to pray for that situation it sure would be great.

Life sure is silly. Love sure is crazy. Both can teach you really tough learning lessons.

1 comment:

  1. This is tought stuff. It seems like you know what needs to happen next. I think it's tricky to navigate the growth rate in ourselves with the growth rate of our relationships (friendships included). Sometimes I think we can "out grow" people we truly do love and the question then becomes do we work on the relationship so it can catch up? Or do we move on and go on the path that we are individually ready for? Differences in major life goals is probably a deal breaker. Through it all, as you guys figure this out, I'll be praying.