Thursday, September 5, 2013

got 99 problems and a car is one

My car is SUPER embarrassing right now. Like, I'm not sure why the City of Moore hasn't called me yet to say that I owe them for messing up the streets with the oil spill happening on the daily. One more month, then it's new vehicle time. I've enjoyed my little car, she's given me some good years. She's supplied the suicide soundtrack through two breakups, she's taken me on a couple of road trips, she's made me feel ten times cooler than I really am when I use the sunroof, basically she's just awesome. I mean she is a g6, but she's been good to me. So here's how she's marked her territory in the streets at my place. I like to think she just drank too much water so she's having some bladder holding issues. What? You are supposed to treat your cars like people, that's why she's lasted so long. I mean I hope I live to be 140 (thousand miles).

So I was thinking as I was gripping my steering wheel today while praying to make it back to work on my lunch break about who I'd call for help if something happened in the next month before I'm able to get a new baby. To be honest, if mother nature would just calm down on the heat factor, I'd totally be ok with riding my bicycle. It would be a nice 9 mile ride and it's really not that bad, I've actually done it before. So, here's my list of who I'd call for help if a car oil spillage/engine blowup/overheated situation happened and I was still alive. (overanalyze much? absolutely) I know you guys are just dying to know who I would call.

1. My brother Sam - not Steve, because I hear he's back in jail, so he wouldn't be able to help. I can't usually get a hold of him by phone anyway. But yeah that's right I said jail, we are HARD, us Ahtones. Well, he is, don't do anything to make me mad, he's got my back and would do anything to make you regret it. I'm not lying, don't test me.

2. Amanda - that's right Amanda, you get the call, because you work close to my job so I figure wherever I breakdown at you won't be too far away. Plus, you know where I live in case my car doesn't move from my house.
3. Michele - same reason's as Amanda, you guys are welcome, no really, you're welcome.

4. Paris - but just to complain while I'm waiting on the top 3 call people.

5. My boss - but only if I feel like being more embarrassed the rest of the day. I don't know why, but there's something about me always wanting to appear independent in his eyes, so I don't want him to think I'm all needy.

6. Kalhor- because he's seriously one of the best dudes I know and I know without a doubt he'd help me any way possible IF he was working in Norman.

7. Pnut - because he's like my brotha from anotha motha and he'd help. I mean I'm pretty sure last night I slept one his hip bone because my brother would not get up from the love seat. (Thanks Sam by the way) I mean the guy loaned me his hip bone and shared the lousiest excuse for a fleece blanket I've ever seen, and my brother and him keep their apt the temperature of the setting on my ice box.

8. W- I'd call you to ask you why you didn't put more than 5 qts of oil in my car and accuse you of setting me up for failure. But then I'd come to my senses and remember my car has been good to me and she has 140000 miles on her and then apologize like I always end up doing. But I'm sure I'd still somehow hold it against you, you know, just for future reference. I mean even though we aren't technically "together and doing awesome" I still think it's the guy's duty of the household to do the car crap (and trash, and dishes if I cook, and lawnwork). And turns out you are the only guy who lives under the same roof as me. Even though our living situation is cuhrazy right now, you still should have PUT OIL IN MY CAR... oh yeah, it hasn't happened yet.

9. I'd call Dad just to tell him and let him make me laugh off the situation, because he can always add the humor to any screwed up situation. One time, (at bandcamp, does anyone else automatically think that after they say one time?) when this one guy cheated on me and I  finally caught him after the 4375092347957th time, I was all upset, bummed and having way too much me time. So when I finally answered his phone call after a month to tell him I was still alive and well sobbing like the heartbroken baby I was at the time. I just gave in and told my dad why I was so upset and I will always remember his response because my tears turned into laughter, he said/sang " to the left, to the left" like the Beyonce song. I bet he does NOT remember that but I seriously cracked up because 1) how does he know that song? I thought he only listened to the Doors and Cher & 2) because my dad is freakin' AWESOME!

10. I'd call the owner of that new(ish) vehicle I've been wanting to see if he still has it for sale at the price I'm willing to pay ; ) if so, next call, the bank!

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