Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Regrets



I thought I would compile a list of things I regret not doing and things that I regret doing. Oh yeah I know all you "I have no regrets" bullshitters are too scared to do such a thing but not me, I'm rebelling against that act of fakeness. So here we go:

Regrets of things I've done:

One time I got pretty wasted and thought I'd eat a burger, the next morning I was barfing said burger up in my best friends bathtub, horrible idea if you haven't eaten beef in oh 16 years.

I regret having an eating disorder in high school so much. I really do not remember those years, almost nothing from the end of my sophomore year to the summer after I graduated. I hear every once in a while I was a jerk, which I can totally believe, when people don't eat um ever, they get a little moody. If I was mean I'm sorry, i just needed a cupcake man. I have very vague memories of those years, I believe there are a few reasons that contribute to not remembering. But I think the exhaustion that comes with an eating disorder and obsessive exercising has a crap load to do with it.

I regret slapping my sister this one time. She slapped me and it hurt and I can remember being so mad, she told me I could slap her back to get even. Well I took advantage of that and I remember her crying. It didn't seem like she was crying because it hurt but more so because she knew that I really wanted to hurt her and here I am trying to be her best friend every other minute. I still regret that, I wonder if she remembers that.. Do you remember that?!?

I regret giving up my virginity to the guy I did. Not because he's a terrible person, he was nice and still seems like a straight shooter but I didn't love him. Clearly I didn't love myself enough to wait until I was in love.

I regret that i have broken bonds of trust that would/will take decades to rebuild. It's the single worst thing & I truly regret that I've ever deceived anyone that I care about.


Regrets of things not done:

My biggest most single one that I would take back is not getting in touch with my sister when my mom was dying in the hospital. My sister was in Europe on a school trip and my mom begged my brothers and I to let her enjoy her trip without any interruption of her health. We waited until the day she flew back home to let her know moms condition. I will always regret not getting in touch with you because I get it, I totally get it.

I regret not ever going to events that are/were important to some of my friends that it was invited to. Like their children's first birthdays and/or showers. I understand these things are important to people and sending a gift isn't really how you handle those important dates & events.

I regret never really telling Robert King to go fuck himself more often. Whoa! F bomb- but so appropriate. He was the most fake person I have ever met in my lifetime and I lived with him growing up. I wish I would have just broken into my house the day after mom died when he locked us girls out. And then I don't know maybe like locked him out! Lord knows he wasn't paying for the house, he didn't even have a job. This guy was getting up every morning, getting dressed in his work uniform, then "going to work" - but in reality he didn't even have a job. What a strange human. If you are reading this go fuck yourself, you are weird as hell. Oh wait in kinder words, bless your heart.



Those are the only ones I think I'll share tonight. I have a feeling if I don't get some sleep I'll be regretting staying up to write this!


Meanwhile, to all you non cussing readers, I'm sorry I use such filthy language. That's on my things to quit when I turn 30 list, which I'll blog about some other time, toodles!!

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